Category: War

Despair and Hope in a Very Broken Nation

Leave a comment

The Storm Before the Storm

The night before the election, thunder rolled ominously through town. It seemed like it might be a premonition of what was to come, but I was hoping it was not. I had watched clips of Kamala’s rally, filled to the roof, loud and excited. Then, I had seen clips of Trump’s rallies. Nobody there. Trump droning on as people left. His behavior was deteriorating in a way that I felt people couldn’t help but notice. He insulted people and simulated a sex act on stage. How could anyone vote for him?  The first time around, I might have given my fellow citizens a pass for supporting him because they didn’t know what I knew. But now they know. How could anyone with a shred of sanity want this person as the leader of our country?

Yet, 2016 was still fresh in my mind — the pain of hope failing us. I tried to put it out of my mind and hold on to the joy. The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice, right? The day would be filled with fear but also joy at turning the page on this ugly chapter in our country’s history. I felt like Harris was going to win, but I did worry I felt that way because I knew the stakes, and she had to win.

What We Lost

By 10 o’clock, the writing was on the wall. I spent the night contemplating the new reality. Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, Elon Musk, Charlie Kirk, and JD Vance – these despicable, rotten-to-the-core racists will now have power over my life. These people hate strong, independent women. We are objects of scorn to them. According to them, my only purpose is to give birth and care for children, so I guess I will be disposable with them in charge.

Despite paying into Social Security my entire life, it will be gone when I need it. Under Trump’s plan, it will be insolvent in 6 years. And as he follows the 2025 playbook, Medicare will be gone, too. I will be facing old age with no social safety net in a country where half the voters don’t seem to have any empathy or compassion.

The sacrifices made in Ukraine will be for nothing, as Trump lets Putin do whatever he wants. Trump will also give Netanyahu free rein to use whatever force he wants, which will then lead to the utter destruction of the Middle East. The environment? Oh, it’s also toast. It was heading that way anyway, but now, with greedy oligarchs running things, we have no chance at all.

If I were Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, or anyone else who has a spine and stood up to him, I might think about leaving the country before they start falling out of windows. Sadly, that’s the country we live in now.

Despair Today

The advice for Harris supporters was not to show any despair on social media. Why? Because Maga people love it. They love the pain they cause. They love the hurt and despair. Owning the libs – It’s what they live for. One thing I knew before the election was that no matter who won, the far-right wingers would be mad today. They’re mad if they win. They’re mad if they lose. They just love to be mad at liberals and stick it to them.

Well, screw them. They must live with their ugliness. I am going to let myself voice my despair today. I have to acknowledge that so much has been lost, not least of which is my respect for so many Americans who knew better this time and didn’t care. They will eventually come to feel the pain of their choice.

But Not Despair Forever

Thankfully, I won’t stay in that dark place. Recently, I read a life-changing book titled The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. One lesson that stuck with me was that every problem is an opportunity to be present. As you learn to be more present and to be the observer, problems cease to be problems. I had been working on this with small things, and I’m not sure I was quite prepared for the final exam yet, but here we are. Being present, being kind, being decent, and fighting fascism whenever I can, will be how I survive and how I will keep the MFers from winning.

activism, change, election, feminism, grief, kindness, politics, racism, social media, War , ,

Stumbling Along the Writer’s Way

One comment

The group of us doing The Artist’s Way program are just over half way through the book. I wish I could say it’s led to a breakthrough, but it hasn’t. Each chapter I think, “Yes, this is the one that will make the difference.” And each time I find myself disappointed. If I were doing it alone, I would have quit long ago, so it’s a good thing there’s a group of us. I don’t see much benefit to the morning pages, though I do like starting the day out more slowly. And so far most of the artist dates have felt like an obligation and not a joy filled experience.

It has, at least, helped me to recognize some of the roots of this block. I found myself unable to write from the point I was forced to move last summer. I haven’t been sure why since I do, for the most part, love where I moved. I miss the view of the park I had out the window of my last office, but I think I love the new office more. It’s a cozy place to write. But ever since the move, I have been almost paralyzed over money. It is dwindling away as more and more repairs are needed. How am I going to get through inflation and gas prices. I feel like I’m in way over my head. That is not a good place from which to try to write.

Sadly, I don’t find a lot of advice to help me through those feelings in The Artist’s Way. But I continue to plug away and hope that eventually, something will break through and unleash the stories again. Today I at least took a stab at writing a short story for an upcoming writing contest. I’m not inspired, but I’ve got some words on the page. We’ll see where it goes.

My mind is filled with worry about Ukraine, Europe, and World War III. At the beginning of this I worried the war would spread and we needed to do everything we could to keep that from happening. But as each day passes, and I understand more, I worry the US will once again take too long to get involved. Hitler was redressing Germany’s humiliation and the world appeased him at first and let him annex countries. Putin is redressing the USSR’s humiliation and the world appeased him at first, letting him annex countries. If he gains anything from this invasion, it will be seen as a victory, and will give him the encouragement to keep attacking his neighbors. If we wait, millions will die, and we will still eventually get dragged into it. Perhaps we need to step in now and shut his aggression down. A terrible realization for someone who considers themselves a pacifist. And it’s a terrible realization of what that will mean for the world.

With all this on my mind, I am supposed to write? Yes, yes I am. And I’m trying. I hope eventually get back to it, but I think I’m done beating myself up over it. The stories will come back some day, if I and the world live long enough.

War, writing , , ,